One Coffin Too Many Read online

  “ Oh, she asked for a transfer after a period of drawn out sick leave until things cooled down. She could hardly stay in the town and look his widow and kids in the eye after that. You know what these small towns are like. My guess is she’ll probably be promoted having tried the couch or in her case the desk. Who knows maybe she’ll end up here as your boss? How would you like that? “

  Sullivan guffawed when he saw the look of disgust on Devoy’s face.

  “ Take it easy, Devoy. Even though her old man’s one of the top dogs chances are she’ll be posted to some war zone in Dublin or another hot city where even the dogs aren’t safe on the street. That way she’ll be seen to be taking her punishment and being promoted at the same time. You know what they’re like. “

  Devoy nodded with committing himself.

  Sullivan looked around for something to occupy himself.

  “ Anyway, Frank. What do you do when you’re not here? “

  “ Not here. You mean a hobby? “

  “ The very one. “

  “ Well as little as possible. I like gardening though and a bit of sailing but…”

  “ Yeah, you’re like me. A solitary. Who wants to spend your free time with people you wouldn’t care to be with if you had the choice? “

  “ Well I suppose that’s one way of looking at it. “

  “ Well if you take my advice, join up and get on. It’s no place for solitary types. But I’d say you’re the type of fella that likes skirt and there’s nothing wrong with that. Still that’s your business. “

  “ If you say so. “ replied Devoy wondering how much dirt Sullivan had dug up on everybody in the station and worse who had furnished him with it.

  “ I do. Oh, but I do. “

  Sullivan checked his watch and licked his lips.

  “ Christ I’d love a coffee. Hold on. “

  He pressed the intercom button and was greeted with a ‘ yes, sir ‘.

  “ How about a pot of coffee in here – real coffee? “

  “ Coming up, Superintendent. Coming up, sir. “

  Sullivan clicked off.

  “ So nothing else apart from the coffin? “

  “ Nothing of great interest. It’s probably just a mix-up or somebody on the take. I’ll keep you informed. “

  “ Great, “ replied Sullivan. “ seeing as I’ll be moving about I’m banking on you keeping me up to date as to what’s going on. I’d hate to be haring back and forth like a blue-arsed fly and I’m not too keen on helicopters. So spare me the shit if you can. “

  “ That’ll be no problem. I’ll prepare a report every day. It’ll be on your desk by evening. How about SMS? “

  “ Good idea. Here’s my number. “

  Devoy wrote it down and stole a look at his watch.

  “ Got another meeting? “ asked Sullivan.

  Devoy nodded.

  “ The Marshall family are expecting us this morning. They asked for ‘ house private ‘ after the funeral so it had to be today. I didn’t fancy getting up their noses on Sunday. “

  “ That’s the style. These people can be bloody dangerous when they’re crossed. Stay on the straight and narrow with them. Don’t give them any ammunition to use against you. If you have to get onto me if you feel you’re in a tight spot. Okay? “

  Sullivan stood up.

  “ I won’t delay you then. Don’t forget: keep me in the picture, Devoy. Keep me in the picture. “

  As he opened the door an officer came in carrying a tray of coffee and a plate of biscuits. The tray was placed on Sullivan’s desk and Devoy followed the officer out of the office. As he crossed the threshold a thought occurred to him. He put his head around the door.

  “ Oh I almost forgot. You won’t forget the request for the coffin to be opened? “

  “ Consider it done, Frank. Consider it done. “

  Devoy’s last view of Sullivan was of him reaching into a pocket and emptying a small bottle of something into the coffee pot.

  Out in the corridor he was approached by the desk sergeant.

  “ There’s been a delivery for you, Inspector. “

  “ A delivery? What sort of delivery? “

  “ Cardboard boxes full of files. A very shapely blonde drew up outside the station about ten minutes ago and asked for a trolley. “

  “ I see. “

  “ One…I mean a few of the lads jumped at the chance to help her. I mean she was just some woman, a real doll. Do you know who I’m referring to? “

  Devoy looked at the stack of cartons.

  “ I’ve a damn good idea. “

  “ Where do you want them? “

  “ Better leave them in my office. Incidentally, have you seen Detective Moore by any chance? “

  “ Oh, there’s one more thing you should be aware of, Inspector. “

  “ Oh, what’s that? “

  “ She insisted we pay for the taxi. Return trip. Said she had to get back to work. That you’d understand. “

  “ You’re kidding! “

  “ I’m not. She said it has to do with police business. That you asked for this stuff to be ready Monday morning. So here it is. “

  “ So you paid the taximan. “

  “ I did. Out of my own pocket. You owe me 40 Euros. “

  “ Forty Euros! But surely we’ve an account? “

  The desk sergeant shook his head.

  “ Not with them, we haven’t. They’re the most expensive outfit in town. Nothing but the best. Mercs. “

  “ What about petty cash? Surely we can pay out of that? “

  “ We’ll have to wait until Sergeant Carr comes in. He’s got the key. “

  “ Very well then, “ replied Devoy taking out his wallet and handing over a two twenty Euro notes.

  “ Thank you. I’ll have that brought down to your office then. “

  Devoy made a face.

  “ I take it you got receipt from the taximan? “

  “ Indeed I did, Inspector. “

  “ Good. Make sure Sergeant Carr gets it as soon as he comes in. “

  “ Oh, I forgot to tell you. “ added the Desk Sergeant. “ she asked me to give you this. “

  He handed Devoy an envelope.

  Devoy ripped it open. Inside was a typed note. It read:

  Dear Inspector,

  Please find all the files relating to personnel of Fallons Funeral Home going back twenty years or so.

  I spent the weekend digging them out seeing as you were in such a hurry - it being a police matter. I hope you find what you’re looking for? Don’t hesitate to contact me should you need any further help. I took the liberty of conveying the files to you by taxi for security reasons. I’m sure you’ll understand.

  Yours respectfully,

  Mrs. Margo Walsh.

  “ It smells nice, doesn’t it, Inspector? “

  Devoy sniffed the paper.

  It was Margo alright. He remembered her perfume from Saturday. Provoking. Like her.

  “ I take it you’re not too fond of this lady, Inspector? “

  “ You could say that, Sergeant and less so now seeing as I’m out of pocket. “

  “ Pity, she seemed to think you’re a fine detective. Spoke very highly of you, so she did. “

  “ Is that a fact? “ replied Devoy sarcastically.

  Devoy turned on his heel.

  “ Where did you say Detective Moore is? “

  “ My guess is she’s in the canteen. “

  “ Thanks. The next time this woman comes into this station, this blonde. You detain her. Do you understand, Sergeant? Detain her. “

  “ Well, not quite, sir. On what grounds? “

  “ Try provocation for starters! “

  The Desk Sergeant gave him a big grin.

  “ A hell of a woman, huh. Like I said the younger fellas were falling over one another here to give her a hand. “

  “ Yeah, I’m sure they were. Well she’s poison. And you can take that from me. I wouldn’t advise
you to tangle with her. You’d regret it. “

  “ At this stage of my life I could do with a few regrets, Inspector. I wouldn’t mind regretting her. “

  Devoy ignored him.

  “ Any other deliveries? “

  “ Nothing apart from what’s already here. “

  Devoy took out his phone and called Wade. He’d almost forgotten him.

  Wade answered immediately.

  “ Good morning, Mr. Wade. It’s Inspector Devoy here. I was expecting some paperwork from you this morning. You haven’t delivered, Mr. Wade. Why? “

  “ I can’t make sense of my father’s files, “ pleaded Wade. “ You’re welcome to come up here and try your hand. I spent the weekend trying to figure them out. I got nowhere. Believe me. “

  Devoy paused.

  “ Okay, I’ll try and see you today. Make sure you’re available. And one more thing: you can open the cemetery now. “

  Wade gave his thanks and rang off.

  ✽✽✽

  CHAPTER 4

  “ Well thank you for your kind thoughts, Detectives and especially for respecting our privacy over the weekend. It’s much appreciated, I can tell you. Do take a seat, please. “

  Devoy and Moore sat down beside one another on a settee. Marshall was just as Devoy had imagined him. Tall, slim, tanned with piercing blue eyes and an aquliline nose.

  “ Not at all, Mr. Marshall. I suppose Mr. Wade filled you in on the strange coffin in your family mausoleum? “

  “ Indeed he did. Shocking business. Who in hell’s name would do such a thing? “

  “ That’s why we’re here, Mr. Marshall. In fact we’ve been looking into it since Saturday. “

  “ I see. That was quick of you. “

  “ Well not as quick as we thought. “

  “ I don’t understand, detectives. The coffin was only discovered on Friday. “

  “ Yes, we are aware of that, “ interjected Detective Moore. “ The last time the crypt was opened was twenty years ago – at least according to Mr. Wade and his late father. That was when you father was interred. “

  “ Twenty years, yes. That would be right. And now Mother’s gone, too. ” Roderick Marshall said, shaking his head. “ How time passes. “

  “ Mr. Wade filled us in on the key business. He’s got a pair, Mr. Cremin has a pair and so have you. “

  “ Yes, I believe that’s true. Why do you ask? “

  “ Mr. Wade used his set of keys to open the mausoleum because he has them to hand. Mr. Cremin of Fallons Funeral Home was unable to find his. In fact his set has disappeared or been stolen. “

  “ That leaves your set, Mr. Marshall, “ said Devoy. “ Do you know where yours are? “

  Marshall’s heavy eyebrows came together in puzzlement.

  “ I suppose they’re here somewhere. In my parents’ papers I’d imagine. I’d really have to have a look around. Maybe in the safe. “

  Marshall stole a quick look at his Rolex.

  “ Look I’ve an appointment with the family solicitor. Do you think I could get back to you on that? Perhaps later today when I’ve gone through my parents’ things? You see, there’s not only me to consider- there’s my sister too. She’s not here today. I’ll have to see what she thinks. “

  Devoy and Moore stood up.

  “ I’ll see you to the door, Detectives. “

  Devoy handed Marshall his card.

  “ What did Cremin have to say about the missing keys, Inspector? “

  “ He wasn’t too pleased. In fact he was in a state of shock. He couldn’t believe that someone had gained access to his clients’ files and made off with the keys. We’re currently checking out the backgrounds of his employees both past and present. Whoever lifted the keys had access to your family file which was kept under lock and key in the basement. “

  “ File! What sort of file? “

  “ Oh who was interred in the vault over the years. It’s pretty comprehensive. The undertakers needed it to keep track of who’s who, so to speak. Otherwise there’d be chaos. “

  Marshall nodded his head in understanding.

  “ Yeah, that makes sense as long as it just deals with the dead. “

  “ What else would it deal with, Mr. Marshall? “

  Roderick Marshall shrugged his shoulders.

  Back in the station Devoy pondered the stack of files.

  “ Okay Angela what I need you to do is take the most recent file on those currently working for Fallons and check them out to see are they on our books. Work your way back. The sooner we have a handle on this thing the better.”

  Devoy noticed the grimace on his partner’s face.

  “ Yeah, I know. Boring. Why don’t you ask or rather order young Burke to help you out. I believe he has a soft spot for you. He’d enjoy being ordered about by a female detective. He might even go out and get some cakes for you to enjoy with your tea or coffee. “

  Moore’s face went red.

  “ Who told you that? “

  “ Told me what? “

  “ Told you about Burke. “

  “ A little bird. “

  “ And where will you be, may I ask? “ she said defensively.

  “ I believe I’ve a date with a blonde. I don’t want to keep her waiting. Like a lot of women she’s given to tantrums. “

  “ When the cat’s away, the mice will play, I suppose. “

  “ Well, why not? A man is a man and all that crap. See you. “

  Out in the reception area he paused before the desk.

  The sergeant looked up. He shook his head.

  “ No, no more deliveries. “

  Devoy reached into his pocket and took out his phone. He dialled Cremin’s number and got voicemail. He tried the number again. More voicemail.

  Your funeral, Mr. Cremin he said to himself. Your funeral.

  He was going out the door when he collided with a man coming in. The man’s face looked familiar but Devoy couldn’t place him. He continued on his way.

  As he was getting into his car he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around. The same man was bearing down on him.

  “ Hey, “ he shouted. “ you’re Inspector Devoy, aren’t you? “

  Devoy nodded.

  “ Detective Inspector Devoy. Who are you? “

  “ I’m Councillor Horgan and I’ve a bone to pick with you. “

  “ Oh really. Well it’ll have to wait. I’m on a case and in a hurry. “

  “ It won’t wait. “

  “ Oh, and why is that, then? “

  “ I’ve got a complaint against you from a member of the public and as a councillor I’m acting on it. “

  “ The station’s back that way. Take it up there. “

  “ No, I’m settling it right here and now. “

  Devoy stared at the man.

  “ Do you know what you’re saying? You’re threatening an officer of the law in the course of his work. I could arrest you for that right here and now. So do yourself a favour and clear off before I change my mind. “

  The man stood his ground. He poked his finger into Devoy’s chest.

  “ You leave Cremin alone, do you hear me or you’ll have to deal with me. I’m an elected councillor. I represent the people. “

  Devoy decided to humour the man.

  “ You’re right, Councillor. Let’s go down to your car and sort this matter out. You say Mr. Cremin of Fallon Funeral Homes has a problem with me. Fine. Where’s your car? “

  Horgan pointed out his car. A red Mercedes. It was parked in a lane and on a double-yellow line.

  Devoy followed Horgan into the lane. As they came abreast of the car Horgan turned to face Devoy to confront him. Instead Devoy drove his fist into the man’s gut. Horgan grunted like a pig and doubled over. As he lay against the car out of breath Devoy grabbed him by the lapels.

  “ Now Mr. Horgan, Councillor? “ he said as Horgan wheezed. “ You were probably asleep when they were discussing civics in class so I
’ll give you an impromptu lecture while you getting your breath back. Rule number one is you don’t threaten people; number two is you don’t threaten cops; and rule number three is, and this is a personal one, you don’t threaten me, you fat slob. Okay? Are you with me? “

  Horgan nodded.

  “ Good, now seeing as you’ve nothing better to do I’m going to give you something to occupy your empty head. And if you ever get in my way again I’ll have you locked up. Do you understand that? So consider yourself lucky I’m in a generous mood today. “

  Devoy grabbed Horgan’s wrist and slapped plastic handcuff ties on him. He then added another tie to the first chaining him to the handle of his car. When that was done he undid the belt of Horgan’s pants and pulled them down to his ankles.

  “ Now look at the mess you’ve got yourself into, Mr. Horgan. Goodbye and good luck. “

  Ten minutes later Devoy dialled a number. It was answered right away.

  “ Caroline, “ is that you? “

  “ Of course it is. Who were you expecting? “

  “ I’d better not answer that. Listen, are you free? “

  “ Is this a date or what? “

  “ It’s a what, I’m afraid. Would you like a scoop – a photographic scoop? “

  “ Being Monday morning I’d do anything. “

  “ Better rephrase that before I change my mind. “

  “ So what have you got for me? “

  “ Photographic-wise or other. “

  “ Photographic- wise. “

  “ Shoot! “

  “ You know that fat slug Horgan – the councillor. “

  “ Yeah, I know him. What’s he done? “

  “ He’s in a lane near the police station handcuffed to his car with his pants down. “

  “ You’re joking? “

  “ No joke, Caroline. You get down there quick and start flashing. And he’s parked on a double yellow, too. Maybe you know a traffic warden? “

  “ Nice. “

  “ The name of the lane? “

  Devoy gave her the name.

  “ Oh and one thing. “

  “ Yes, I know the drill. I didn’t hear it from you. Keep your lines open. I’ll send it to you. See ya. “

  As Devoy came abreast of Fallon’s Funeral Home he saw the traffic warden heading in the opposite direction. She was scurrying along as if she were in a hurry. She was holding her phone to her ear and nodding. She must have heard from Caroline, he thought. Christ, that’ll be some headline. Councillor Horgan on a double-yellow with his pants down and handcuffed to his car.